My Name is

I prefer the silence, later I'll complain it's too quiet.
I’m a peacemaker at heart, but I'm not unknown to resort to violence.
I keep to myself, avoiding asking for help.
I keep to myself, I feel safer that way.
I keep to myself, even my family questions where I stay, mentally that is.
Seriously I’m not really that sad, I’m just kind of serious that if I raised my voice just a tad you would question if I was mad.
I avoid a lot of things from the past, bringing it up doesn’t seem to do any good.
I take the idea of moving forward exactly as I should.

The truth? I’m writing this to air out the misunderstanding about me, I’m just inquisitive in nature but I'm too lazy to write in the format of a formal book.
Poetry frees me.
The creativity here for me is easily the best way to unburden my mind.
I can take a complex topic and rock it to the rhythm of rhymes, it eases this pain in my chest.
It’s like when Goku takes off his weighted vest, here I fight the questions that keep me perplexed
Here I fight my best.

I like the color green, gold, black, my eyes are blue, I’m 2 inches short of being 6’ 2.
I have locks for hair, my favorite metaphor is a clock, I don’t like sailing ships.
I rather sit on the dock and watch the cosmic sky tick its clock, let the fog set in and look at my watch.
Half past a freckle it seems, I love to talk about dreams.
Nature intrigues me but I’m somewhat of a recluse, used to sitting in my cave reduced to writing for you.
Or elevated for you? That's a perception question.

I’m a King and a Warrior, I want to heal and destroy you.
An unsavory reaction, I’ll ignore you.
I border the line of paranoia.
The Doctor says I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I laughed and said “So I have superpowers.”
Injustice pisses me off, the portrait of justice looks soft.
My reaction: a coin toss, the breeze of the wind, spin of the wheel, I won’t pretend.
As If I understand everything I barely understand the outline of my destiny.

I love it when you question me, the game of chess is embedded in me.
I can be tactical and sharp or as loose as the weather can be from Indiana.

Yeah I’m a Hoosier, what’s it to you loser?

If you read this far you figured I’m not a fan of society.
Been told men shouldn’t cry but right now that's what I need.
The hard truth surrounded my eye sockets, that tear I dream of is locked in a pocket dimension.
My words have power, don’t believe, feel the tension when you mention my name.

The world will look different, the atmosphere shifts, twists in the air, a pulse bouncing like a bear.
The mask I wear is one for protection, not negligence, or performative elegance.

The grand idea is I actually don’t wear one, I tell you I do so your mind will be whipped in monsoons thinking you knew a dude like me and he was kinda cool, or kinda rude.

Depending on the day and if we are in-tune, my mask is your confusion.

I grew up in an odd family situation, that's for a different poem.
I say that but know, I know what family love is, most of society wouldn’t get it.
I knew from a young age that I had to confront a Naruto-like fate.
The only difference is I had a family to go home to when the village ostracized me.
There is a power inside me that most don’t understand, but see it and refuse to hold my hand.
I don’t know God's overall plan, but I listen for the steps.

I know I’m not the best, but damn right Imma say it with my chest.
I know I'm worthy, I know I’m blessed. I know a lot but I play my card close to my vest.
I have weakness, temptations draw near, a lustful side plays with my dear heart.
I fight as best I could, I’m human just like you.
I know what pain is too, what the effects of suffering can do to you.

I know doubt, rejections, sadness, fear, anger, rage, instability, fealty, shattered reality, big dreams, small willpower, depress, anxiety, irony, conspiring, lacking in tithing, rushing the timing, feeling good, feeling bad, happiness and joy, how it feels to be treated as a toy, how it feels to win or lose, I really don’t know shit.

The list can go on for 400 pages, scratch psalms in the ages, it would sound great and feel good.
The tension is built and now I'll release it.
Thank you for waiting through the explanation.
My name is Maisen.