Saturday Morning Cartoons
Hi kids!
Did you know Mickey Mouse has a bigger budget than your schools?
You love super hero’s right?
Did you know the guys that own them also own your parent’s favorite news channels, too?
Don’t worry about that though, here’s a cat that beats himself while chasing a mouse!
Hey kids!
How do you like your food?
Dino nuggets, French fries, and a Scooby Snacks?
You ever wonder why you sometimes get a random panic attack?
Do you love the different colors of your drinks?
Ever wonder why your feet always stink?
Aw shucks, don’t worry about that, watch this show about a greedy and selfish family of ducks!
Oh kids!
You know what time it is?
That’s right! The new Fortnite patch just dropped.
This week: Star Wars meets Godzilla.
Go grab your mom’s credit card and buy the best skins to program your young self on how to be killers!
Oh wait, don’t miss when G.I Joe invades a country’s sovereignty!
The new episode is at 8!
Hey wait kids!
It’s almost noon! Don’t forget to tune into your favorite streamers!
Watch them battle for money by acting like the biggest idiot!
Don’t you know it’s cool to act like a dummy!
The next stream is how long can a guy stay trapped in a room for 1 million dollars!
Don’t worry the host will torture him for a like and a follow!
Don’t fuss though, the host’s loyal torturer will give the money to charity!
And you can’t forget to hydrate by buying his latest flavor of drink, tropical lead and mystic zinc!
You can’t miss this kids!
The newest album just dropped!
Let’s listen to how women drop their self esteem for a glistening necklace or a pretty ring!
Right along next with the play by play of who shot who!
No it’s okay to hear what fellatio is!
Just don’t ask your parents to explain it, remember the fresh prince said “parents just won’t understand”
So go buy your fentanyl laced weed and let’s imitate the new best dance craze!
Hey kids!
Who needs love right!
Tonight we won’t talk to each other!
Let’s sit on an app and wonder which person is pressing the like button on our photos!
Let’s build our self esteem based on what other people are doing behind their screens!
Isn’t this all so grand!
That’s right kids, buy the American dream!
Possible side effects may include:
Dizziness
Nausea
Pain and confusion
Hyper sexualize morality
Low self-esteem
Thoughts of killing yourself
Thoughts of shooting up your school
Thought of being financially irresponsible
And other small side effects that possibly might ruin your life
Brought to you by corporations
